My vision of breastfeeding

When I first began breastfeeding, I was not able to do it discreetly. I tried my best and failed. I always had to use a cover since I couldn't manage a blanket to stay and I couldn't watch Meatball to make sure he was doing what he was supposed to.

But that has since changed. I am much better at nursing in public. I can do so with a tank and a t-shirt well enough that no one can see a thing. They likely can figure out what is going on but they can't see anything. Now this doesn't mean that I am cool with just stripping it all off and nursing wherever I want.

Unless you have breastfed, I don't think you can understand how amazing the experience is. There is this feeling that you get that the liveliness of your child rests solely on you and your ability to make milk. When you have difficulty making the milk like me, there is such a feeling of uselessness and despair that I don't think you can understand unless you have had supply issues. I feel so cheated of this natural experience sometimes.

I still am having difficulty making all of the BM that Meatball needs throughout the day while I am working. When I am home, he nurses often and he is well fed and happy it seems. When I am at work, I can only pump about half of what he is taking during the day via bottles. I am so devastated. I am continuing to try to get more before he burns through my entire freezer supply but I need to be realistic. I am going back to the schedule of waking up in the middle of the night not to nurse him but to pump. I am hoping he can make it all night on his own without an extra feeding but we shall see...

So with all of this work I have put forth towards breastfeeding and trying to make enough milk so Meatball is EBF I slightly feel defeated and enraged when I hear others complain about the lack of modesty a nursing mother has because someone saw a little extra breast or nipple when some woman was feeding her child. I am not telling people to bare it all but use a little discretion so others are not disgusted by it. Some of us have worked extremely hard to even make BF a reality and I am so upset when BF is viewed with disgust rather than a celebration of a mother doing the most unselfishness thing she possibly could for her child.

Breastfeeding is a gift. It's not for all. It's often taken for granted. Mothers have to give up so much to have a breastfeeding relationship whether it comes naturally or not. It should be celebrated and those that embrace it should be celebrated. Those that have to work REALLY hard at it should be celebrated just a tad bit more ;)