-and you're STILL breastfeeding?
-so when do you think you'll stop nursing him?
-don't you think he's getting a little big to nurse?
-so when will you give him real milk?
-so shouldn't he just be drinking water?
These are just a few comments I hear when others see my nurse my 11 month old son. I do not think they are said to be rude or mean but rather ignorance.
It's sad to me that at 11 months, I am considered to be an extended breastfeeder. 11 months. Meatball is still a baby. He is not even supposed to have whole milk until 1 year. However, so many moms don't make it to the year mark that nursing past the child getting teeth or that squirmy phase is a little less common.
When these comments are said to me, I get uncomfortable. Not because I am not armed with statistics that prove breastfeeding is one of the greatest gifts I could ever give to Meatball and not just to a year but benefits are shown with continued breastfeeding through 2 years but because not everyone knows what I have done to get here. Not only have I made it to my goal *shy a couple of weeks but we'll say I have made it so far* but that I have defied the odds as a BFAR mom. Not many know what I have gone through in the past year and why this relationship is so amazing to me.
I have been so apprehensive about sharing this blog. I have said it many times...breastfeeding and this journey has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my life. And that says a lot coming from a girl that put herself through undergrad and graduate school. This blog contains my emotions and lowest points through this journey...some of the lowest in my life. This blog shows my weaknesses...not something I like to share.
But the entire purpose of me blogging my BFAR adventure was to share with others. To give other BFAR moms hope. To give other BFAR moms motivation. To give other BFAR moms a connection...something I felt like I truly needed when I started my BFAR relationship.
Soon I think I will be ready to share my past year with others. Not sure it'll be helpful at all but deep down, I hope it helps at least one BFAR mom. If I can support at least one BFAR mom in her journey, then all of this blogging will prove to be worthwhile.
But in the meantime, I'm ok with this little piece of me hiding in the depths of the Internet.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Mooooooo!!!
Not sure where this came from. I nursed at 730 am and just pumped. 2 hours later and I got 3.5 oz!! Pathetic to some...amazing to me!!
Come on boobies!!! Let's keep working!!
Come on boobies!!! Let's keep working!!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Another dip in supply??
Seems like we are back on the down side more than the up side. pumping at work has been totally depressing and I'm bringing home very little. Along with taking the domperidone I'm not sure what else I can do this late in the game. I so wish this had been easier o me...
I think of that often actually... What if this had all been easier. Would I enjoy it as much? Would I be such a stickler wanting as much BM for meatball as possible? Would I understand others perspectives that struggled when I didn't?
I'd love copious amounts of milk but I'll just take making whatever meatball needs. I cant afford a dip...go bother someone who can.
I think of that often actually... What if this had all been easier. Would I enjoy it as much? Would I be such a stickler wanting as much BM for meatball as possible? Would I understand others perspectives that struggled when I didn't?
I'd love copious amounts of milk but I'll just take making whatever meatball needs. I cant afford a dip...go bother someone who can.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Doctor bills, insurance, and 30...oh my!
Yet again I have failed to maintain my blog. Seems like so long ago that I was posting almost daily because I was struggling with BF so much and this was my outlet to vent, celebrate, and just document my journey. And now here we are 11 months into the journey and BF itself is going so smoothly (kinda) that I don't "need" this as an outlet anymore. However, I still want to document my adventure.
Recently, I received a bill for my visits and biopsies from Dr. P. If you remember, Dr. P was not "in network" as my insurance calls it so I am responsible for partial payment. My own fault really since I did call from the very beginning for check and I knew she was not. However, I then attempted to then cancel my first biopsy and L refused to let me...Dr. P called me as well and told me we would figure it all out.
Well, it was figured out. Insurance paid their amount and then I was billed the remainder. Dr. P is doing a great job to help work something out with me to pay the balance. In all honesty, any is going to be more than we can truly afford right now.
Anyways, I was due for my 6 month check up in November. It's now December and I have not gotten to go. Why? Because I have this mounting bill at her office that I have no idea how I am going to pay and I feel guilty (?) returning for a visit when I know I cannot afford it.
But I need to go back and be monitored...by her or any breast surgeon.
So, on Friday, which happened to be my thirtieth birthday, I called a breast cancer at a hospital in the region to see if they accepted my insurance and if I was a candidate to be seen. I spoke with a nurse at length and explained my situation as best as I could. She was very knowledgeable and friendly. She gave me the contact information of the breast surgeon affiliated with the hospital since she thought the office was in my plan. When I called the office, I was told again they were in my plan. I attempted to schedule an appointment...disastrous. The girl on the phone was rushing me and acting as if I was inconveniencing her. In the end, I was told to fax over my files from Dr. P's office BEFORE my appointment so they knew how much time to block for my case? Just seems stupid but I decided I didn't have a choice since this was the only breast surgeon I have been able to find in my insurance plan. Before calling Dr. P's office and explaining, I decided to check with the insurance first...just to confirm this doctor is in fact covered...
VERDICT: No. 2nd doctor not covered.
Uggh. So in speaking with such a sweet representative at the insurance company, I explain to her what I need and the difficulty I have had finding a doctor with this specialty that is covered. She confirms the lack of physicians in my plan with this specialty and transfers me to another department that begins to put in an exception for me to see Dr. P and have her classified as an IN NETWORK provider since there are no other breast surgeons in a 30 mile radius.
I'm sorry...what?!
I cannot tell you how many times I have called the insurance asking for this same thing. Never have I been told this is or was an option. So, I went with Dr. P since I HAD to have this problem looked it!!
I speak with another amazingly sweet girl that walks me through the process. Unfortunately, they are not able to backdate the approval but I think I will appeal if it does go through. But it has to go through...I don't have another option!
So, in the end this was the best 30th birthday present!! I am planning on writing a letter to the insurance company about the helpfulness and dedication of both of these girls. In the meantime, I have to wait until next week to find out if future visits will be covered...
I pray it all works out since I need to go for the follow up ASAP!!
And on a side note, I nursed my 11 month old to sleep this evening...just like all other evenings. Yes, I said 11 month old. Unbelievable. How and when did that happen? Now I am really being hit with the fact that my job as milking mama will be over soon. Once I drop the Dom, I am pretty sure my body is going to stop production and I won't be able to keep up with an am and pm nursing session. This makes me so sad. Depressed actually...but that's a different post...
So happy birthday to me...and here's hoping things work out with the waiver :)
Recently, I received a bill for my visits and biopsies from Dr. P. If you remember, Dr. P was not "in network" as my insurance calls it so I am responsible for partial payment. My own fault really since I did call from the very beginning for check and I knew she was not. However, I then attempted to then cancel my first biopsy and L refused to let me...Dr. P called me as well and told me we would figure it all out.
Well, it was figured out. Insurance paid their amount and then I was billed the remainder. Dr. P is doing a great job to help work something out with me to pay the balance. In all honesty, any is going to be more than we can truly afford right now.
Anyways, I was due for my 6 month check up in November. It's now December and I have not gotten to go. Why? Because I have this mounting bill at her office that I have no idea how I am going to pay and I feel guilty (?) returning for a visit when I know I cannot afford it.
But I need to go back and be monitored...by her or any breast surgeon.
So, on Friday, which happened to be my thirtieth birthday, I called a breast cancer at a hospital in the region to see if they accepted my insurance and if I was a candidate to be seen. I spoke with a nurse at length and explained my situation as best as I could. She was very knowledgeable and friendly. She gave me the contact information of the breast surgeon affiliated with the hospital since she thought the office was in my plan. When I called the office, I was told again they were in my plan. I attempted to schedule an appointment...disastrous. The girl on the phone was rushing me and acting as if I was inconveniencing her. In the end, I was told to fax over my files from Dr. P's office BEFORE my appointment so they knew how much time to block for my case? Just seems stupid but I decided I didn't have a choice since this was the only breast surgeon I have been able to find in my insurance plan. Before calling Dr. P's office and explaining, I decided to check with the insurance first...just to confirm this doctor is in fact covered...
VERDICT: No. 2nd doctor not covered.
Uggh. So in speaking with such a sweet representative at the insurance company, I explain to her what I need and the difficulty I have had finding a doctor with this specialty that is covered. She confirms the lack of physicians in my plan with this specialty and transfers me to another department that begins to put in an exception for me to see Dr. P and have her classified as an IN NETWORK provider since there are no other breast surgeons in a 30 mile radius.
I'm sorry...what?!
I cannot tell you how many times I have called the insurance asking for this same thing. Never have I been told this is or was an option. So, I went with Dr. P since I HAD to have this problem looked it!!
I speak with another amazingly sweet girl that walks me through the process. Unfortunately, they are not able to backdate the approval but I think I will appeal if it does go through. But it has to go through...I don't have another option!
So, in the end this was the best 30th birthday present!! I am planning on writing a letter to the insurance company about the helpfulness and dedication of both of these girls. In the meantime, I have to wait until next week to find out if future visits will be covered...
I pray it all works out since I need to go for the follow up ASAP!!
And on a side note, I nursed my 11 month old to sleep this evening...just like all other evenings. Yes, I said 11 month old. Unbelievable. How and when did that happen? Now I am really being hit with the fact that my job as milking mama will be over soon. Once I drop the Dom, I am pretty sure my body is going to stop production and I won't be able to keep up with an am and pm nursing session. This makes me so sad. Depressed actually...but that's a different post...
So happy birthday to me...and here's hoping things work out with the waiver :)
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