Dwindle away

It's what my supply is doing. Yesterday I brought home like 5 ounces. Total. For the whole day. And when I pumped last night I only got 2.5 oz. I am pumping again this am and I am shocked at how pathetic my output it.

It's time to wean but I feel guilty bring the one that leads it. I feel guilty dropping my Dom dose again and seeing my ounces plummet even more.

Wish I could make myself feel like I did a good job and leave it at that but there's still many reasons I critique myself and what I did and what I could do differently. It'll never end.

I was able to provide BM to meatball for at least a year. I never ebf but I did a pretty good job. I need to be proud of myself. Sure wish I could make myself feel that :(

Weaning off the Dom

It's been almost a week of my taking 1 less pill each dose. And since joining Weight Watchers.

So far, my supply has stayed the same!! SHOCKING!! I am still pumping the same amount and I need to start thinking about how to wean one pumping session at work. I am not really sure how to do that but it needs to start happening. I am going to keep my lunch pumping session for now but I would really like to drop the morning. We'll see how that goes.

For now, cutting the meds and the calories have not tanked my supply...

Fingers crossed!! I'd love to nurse as long as Meatball wants to :)

Once there were 9...

And then there were 6.

Officially down to 6 pills of Domperidone a day compared to the 9 I have been taking for so long now. I thought my day of weaning would make me sad but it has not. It's been a busy day for my little Meatball and me.

I had planned to take this day off forever. I knew I would not be able to concentrate at work so it made sense just to make the day about us. I put him to bed last night for the last time as a baby. And then he work up at 11:30 screaming. Meatball screamed and cried all night long until 4:30. He would take short breaks in between to nap and then wake up picking up right where he left off.

He finally crashed around 5 am and slept until 11 am in my arms. He nursed on and off all night long and that was the only thing that would soothe him.

For the past year, nursing has always been the only thing that would always soothe him. Soothes hunger, sadness, pain, fear, everything. It's the go to when something needs to be fixed.

I cannot imagine what life will be like without nursing. I don't want to find out but I am pretty sure I will find out real soon.

In addition to cutting the Dom, I am also beginning Weight Watchers. On the first day, I noticed a change in my pumping right away but so far seems to be back to normal.

So I have made it a year. This blog serves as a record of my journey up my mountain to reach my goal. And now that I have reached it, I am not sure how to let go and move on. I don't think I can. Quitting our nursing relationship is going to be extremely challenging for me. I can feel the tears starting to well up...