I am going to training from 8 to 4 for the next couple of days. Means I need to leave at 7:30 am and won't be back until a little after 4pm. This means pumping. Something I suck at. My body sucks at it. It's going to be a tough couple of days...
When I end up not pumping enough tomorrow, I am going to come home crying and feeling like a failure. I can foresee this already. It's the same feelings I had when I went back to work in the beginning. I am loving being home with Meatball right now. He's only getting formula two times a day. The rest is all BM! All from nursing! We are doing so well!! And now the next 3 days are going to go to shit.
I think why I am really upset is because I am foreseeing what it will be like when I go back to work in a month. I wish I didn't have to go back. I wish we were able to make do and let me stay home to care for this amazing blessing I have been given. Let me make sacrifices so I can continue working with BF and possibly get to EBF. Sadly, I know this is not a reality.
And to top it all off, my first check up with Dr. P is very soon. I am sure she will be giving me a bill for the biopsy and the other appointments from seeing her. It's going to break the bank. Right now, anything will be breaking the bank. No income from me over the summer is tough. Add in the weeks I took without pay and this is hard times.
So training for the next 3 days will bring in a bit of money. It won't bring in BM and neither will I probably. I sure hope I am wrong...that would be such a nice surprise! Fingers crossed!!
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