So it's been a tough day today with little pumping success. After a little research, I found this great understanding that explains where I am right now...breastfeeding grief. May sound stupid or ridiculous to someone that has not struggled with breastfeeding but it's where I am. I can't get out of it. My heart breaks that I cannot EBF Meatball. I am saddened to give him a bottle and would not think of giving him one in public. I would hate for someone to look over at me and judge me for not breastfeeding. Breastfeeding grief. I need my time to mourn and go through the stages.
When I am ready, I will work on redefining my success. I am trying to daily but this is easier said than done.
Really, what does it mean to be successful when all of the odds are stacked against you? Breast reduction and a thyroid disease. I was screwed before I even started. I should be thankful I have been given what I have thus far. I should be thankful that I can provide him whatever I pump daily. I should be....so why am I not?
Redefining is going to take time...and I can see some ups and downs along the way.
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