Reaching out to a stranger...

Not really sure why. I googled something about BFAR and a good pump...came across a post from a BFAR mom with two sons that had no difficulties with BF. I was excited to have someone like me. I was happy for her that she didn't have issues. And I was jealous as hell. I found a link to her own blog and I dropped her an email...

Hi!

I was googling and came across a post you wrote about being BFAR. I promise I am not stalking you...guess just reaching out?! :)

I had my first son 11 wks ago. He is the center of my world now. I decided I wanted to BF after having a reduction in 2003. When I got pregnant, I sought support from LC in my area and was told I was going to have to formula feed. No one supported me or my efforts.

Long story short, my son had weight issues in the beginning and it was blamed on the reduction. Through my pediatrician not being supportive of BFAR or any LCs, I trucked on. I still am :)

My son is not EBF. He's not a big chunky monkey like the peds like but he's a good size. He gets a little bit of formula daily when he does not seem satisfied. My supply is still low despite my efforts...hospital grade pump after every feeding, fenugreek, oatmeal, mothers milk, etc. Waiting on my shipment of domperidone as a last ditch effort to EBF. I return to work soon and will miss about 3 of his feedings. I will work for 5 weeks and then be home all summer since I am a teacher. He will be back to nursing over the summer and until 6 months old.

I am rambling now. Guess I am just excited to have found someone else in the same journey. I am happy that your supply doesn't suck like mine and jealous at the same time. I cannot tell you how many tears I have shed over this not being a success story like yours. My success is different than yours and that's ok but I am not yet ok with having to provide formula. I fight it daily and my heart still breaks a little that I chose this path and this is the outcome because of my actions. Nothing worse than feeling like you have failed your child and not been able to provide what he needs because of a selfish choice. I keep thinking one day I will wake up and be ok with having to supplement and proud that I can provide him the BM that I do but it hasn't happened yet. I hope one day I will be able to "define my own success" and stop beating myself up over BFAR.

So thanks for posting your story. It's nice to know others that have had the same worries and concerns.

Thanks again! And I apologize for my long winded email...

Meatball's Mommy

She likely thinks I am insane and probably will delete my email :) Not sure what I am looking for by emailing her but I sent it. HAHA. I have become a person I don't recognize at times...