Download...75% complete

Errrr, rather my pumping is!

Just last week, I was able to celebrate the 9 wonderful months I have been blessed with my amazing baby boy as well as my own success of 9 months of nursing :) Don't mind if I pat myself on the back.

9 months is kinda a big deal. It's 3/4 of the way to my goal. It's 3/4 further than I would have expected myself to be. It's 3/4 past where I was told I would be not so long ago.

I feel like I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately...all of what I have been though and all I have done to get to where I am today with Meatball. I truly do feel like I have beaten the odds. I feel like a success. I feel strong and motivated. I feel like I have done my best and overcome challenges I never foresaw and I have kicked ass doing it. I feel proud.

This journey has been so amazing. Full of such emotion, dedication, and tears. I don't think I could have ever predicted what this was going to be like. I started this journey 9 months ago armed with as much knowledge as I could be but I wasn't prepared. I don't think I could have ever been prepared. Who could have guessed this journey would have taken me through all of the hoops I had to go through? 9 months ago, I thought my biggest challenge was going to be my supply issues. Little did I know...

So looking back on these 9 months, I am starting to let go of the "failure" feelings I used to be so overcome by. I am starting to let go of the tears of sadness. I am starting to stop beating myself down for what I couldn't do and really consciously trying to celebrate myself for what I have done.

Each day is still a journey. I am not "downloaded" quite yet. I still have to pop my 9 pills a day and spray my nose spray 3 times a day to reach this goal. At this point, those are the easy parts. The most difficult challenges I face daily are ones I create on my own. To complete this "downloading" process, I need to continue to celebrate and pat myself on the back each day...

I started this journey as a sprint I feel like. I thought if I just go through those first couple of weeks, it would all be so easy. BF just hasn't been that way for me. I have found myself in the middle of this emotional marathon...just wanting to do the best I can do for Meatball.

And in reality, this marathon isn't going to be over in 9 months, I won't be totally "downloaded", it won't be time to take a break because motherhood is what I really was hurdling though this whole time. Even though so much of it was related to BFAR and my journey to BF, it all comes back to just being a mother and learning how to work though challenges and always keep the end in mind...the well-being of the child.

Once my breastfeeding "downloads", some new challenge with come along. Something else will make me question myself, my decisions, my abilities and push me to my limits because I want to do what's best for Meatball. So, I am trying to turn a new leaf to acknowledge much more of the positives as I continue in this motherhood journey...



I just might need reminders every now and again :)