Well, first things first...6 months ago today, I was blessed with the single most amazing thing I could ever ask for. My little Meatball is 6 months old today. He is such a happy, healthy, and easy going little guy. Every day, I fall more in love with him and am so thankful I have been blessed with such a wonderful child. He truly makes parenting "easy"...
Today also marks 3 months since the first bleeding episode. Along with this milestone, I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. P this morning to check in and make sure the tumor within my duct had not changed significantly.
The appointment went well. Meatball came along in case I needed an ultrasound, he would be there to empty my breast so that could be done. Things ran a little late and a little longer than expected.
Since I am still having occasional bleeding, Dr. P wanted to do an ultrasound to check on the tumor. All looked good with that. However, she is not at all pleased with the "situation" on my nipple. As she said, "This is no longer a fissure. This is an open sore and this is not ok."
I have tried everything under the sun to make this damn thing close. Short of ending my nursing relationship, I do not know what else can be done. Neither did she. So, her thoughts are we need to do a nipple biopsy and there's no reason to wait around to do this. It is scheduled for Thursday. :(
We spoke about what this entailed and what choices I have. Local or twilight anesthesia. In the end, she decided local is going to be best although I will not be able to get my breast completely numb. I will feel a great deal of the biopsy but she assures me it will be just a minute and I will need to just deal with the pain. She will use a small round drill to take out the tissue from the center of my nipple...which is already open. She likely won't even stitch it because it's already open and I am so used it it...
Another "problem" I am seeing with this biopsy is it might end my nursing relationship. I feel like I have been so lucky and worked so hard to beat the odds at this point...I have a sickening feeling this will be it. I am praying otherwise, but I just don't know how optimistic I can be right now.
And to top all of this off, I still have not paid her office for what I owe from the first biopsy. Add in the other appointments and now an additional biopsy - I have no idea how I/we can ever financially take care of the bill that I will be receiving from the office. It's going to be astronomical. But every time I ask about it and express my worries, I am told not to worry about it. I am told that it will be worked out. I called and asked if I could transfer to another office that is in my insurance providers and I was told not to. So I don't know what to think but I have a feeling in the pit of my tummy that there's going to be a bill left in my lap that I do not know how I will ever be able to afford.
I cannot believe I am going through these same worries and emotions all over again. I do not know if I can handle this. I have been so much stronger than I ever expected I could be...but just don't know if I can do this again...
And to end on a happy note: today, I get to celebrate 6 long, difficult months of loving my son and working so hard to give him one of the greatest gifts I could ever give him: breastmilk. I have worked so hard to reach this milestone. Every day and every ounce is a celebration still but 6 months is a BIG deal. Go me! And here's hoping I can make it another 6...God willing.
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